An exercise in brevity...

Have you ever had a desire to write or do something, but, the moment you make an effort to see that urge satisfied, the ability seems to escape you?

I feel this urge to get something out. I feel a need to be creative, but I am not sure how to see either of these things through. Is writing the way to do it? Should I be painting? Crocheting?

What form will my creativity take? How do I find it?

I wonder if others go through this. It seems that I know so many people with creative talents who love what they do from the moment of first creation to the completion of it. Yet, I find myself grasping for  a stress relief mechanism.

How does one find this, I wonder?

Smoke, Fog, and Haze - CW #7

  The forest is little more than dark green pine needles poking out from inside the gray fog that blankets the world this morning. There is no visibility beyond my own hand, maybe a few feet beyond. I know trees exist there. I know the ground continues on. But I walk carefully, afraid that there may not be solid ground when I put my foot down.
  Sounds creep their way to my ears, eerie in the inky gloom that prevents me from seeing their source. The haze acts like a mirror, but with sounds, I can't tell which direction they come from. It is a strange thing, to know you are encircled by trees yet feel as if some ghost may come out and get you within a moment.
  Smoke would be preferably, its source known - fire. Yet, that, too, would be as worrisome. Where would I go? From which direction might I find safety if I cannot see beyond the blackness?
  I am frozen, unable to go forward or backward for fear of what may lay ahead. Will I find treacherous footing or solid ground? Will there be a good friend waiting or a large beast wishing to sup upon me?
  A decision must be made - to stand still and do nothing is to surely perish...

Dragon - Creative Writing #6

  My heart begins to race. I can feel it. That can't be good, when you can feel your own heart racing as if it might fly out of your chest, right? That's a description they use in books to help you understand how bad a situation is, yes?

  My eyes see the problem and my brain takes it and runs with it.

  Work. So much to do. So little time. Report cards. Lesson plans. After school events. Test, re-test, small groups. Programs. Meetings. Meetings. Staff Development. Desk is a mess. Boards look bad. Haven't changed anything on the walls. What do I focus on? Going home early for a change. It'll be there tomorrow, screw it.

  Home. Family. Husband. Child. Dad. Mother-in-law. Mom. So much to do, so little time. Where to go? What's first? What do I do?

  Fun. Rest. Relaxation. What are these things? Vacation? *scoff*

  Dentist. Drilling. Drilling. Noise, sharp. Turn the music up. Choking on tongue, but not. Tongue's touching my teeth. Brain insists my tongue is touching my teeth. Brain insists my tongue is choking me. Breathe. I'm breathing. Tongue is still choking me. This is not possible. Can' break through with the logic. Stuck. Tears. Heart beats faster and faster. Chest heaves. I'm choking. Gagging on the mold in my mouth. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. No, I'm not. They wouldn't keep working on me if I was choking. What if they can't tell? They can tell. No they can't. Yes, they can. No, they can't.

Panic. PANIC. It's sudden, unrelenting. Logic-defying. No control. No sense.

  It's a strange sensation, thinking logically and knowing something - I mean KNOWING - and still be unable to see your way out of it.

Panic. Anxiety. It is standing in a room of garage, holding a trash bag, and not knowing where to begin.

Panic. It is standing in a clean room, organized, and not knowing how to pull things down to get at the desired object.

Panic. It is your heart racing without you exerting yourself.

Panic. It's being unable to stand for no reason and suddenly being terrified of being stuck.

Panic. It is frustration. Rage. Mountain vs Mole-hill and the mountain is winning.

Panic. Unable to breathe despite having the ability to.

Relief: Suddenly feeling like the vise on your chest is gone. LIke your brain can put order to the chaos swirling about.

Panic: Standing in the center of a hurricane where all is calm, watching the swirling mass around you and knowing you are trapped and unable to change this.

Relief: You remain standing and all is quiet. There is no hurricane. Never was.

Panic: A dragon that breathes its deadly fire upon you and consumes you.

Cinquain - Creative writing #5

Mother

Kind, Loving, Sweet

Safe, Protective, Gentle

Fierce, Identity, Hard-Working

Loving

Outside the Window - Creative Writing #4

It's dark outside, yet the sun is still out. At best, there should be golds, blues, and pinks across the sky as the sun falls slowly below the horizon. It's one of my favorite times of day, really. But, instead, it is dark. Gray, murky clouds fill the sky and rain falls steadily ouside the window, causing the water in the newly filled pool to dance. It is magnificent.

Yesterday, I awoke to a storm - thunder and lightning with rain falling steadily about.

Today, the sun was up and the air was humid. I did not think it would rain, yet, there it is again. Rain.

Glorious, beautiful rain. I love storms. I love rain.

I think I'm a rarity. Often, people complain about how gloomy it is or how dark it is or how the rain won't stop. I understand. Sometimes, the rain brings flooding and damage to homes. My own husband's Saturn was once victim to flooding. He hadn't a choice when he tried to get off the highway, but the car was totalled as a result.

Still, I find the sound of rain on my rooftop to be soothing. I love the sound of thunder and the flash of lightning that comes just before it.

I love this website: Rainymood.Com

It plays rain sounds over and over, including thunder. Of course, it lacks lightning, but there is no threat here. No worry about flooded roads and no worry about damaged homes. No one needing rescue as the water falls from the sky. It's soothing to me and makes me want to close my eyes and imagine a time or day without worry. Safe in the confines of my home with my family - I can listen to this sound forever.

Now, I grant you, there are times when even I long for a sunny day to off-set the rainy. May 2016 was such a month. We had 1 clear day that I can recall. The rest of the month was stormy. This causes problems in a city made mostly of cement and steel, with little earth or water to soak in the rain.

I am among very few who love storms. Many people grouse about them.

For me, I imagine forests where the sky is hard to see above the leafy canopies, but it's dark gray. Rain falls, causing the ground below, littered with greenery from the Redwoods above, to be damp. Drops fall from the branches and leaves above. It is green everywhere and, while it is raining, I am merely damp, not soaked or cold.

Perhaps, because I was at Jones Gulch during such rainy times, I have grown to love it. I was enjoying Outdoor Ed in 5th grade when it rained on us. Fortunately, Monday night was my night hike and the skies were clear and the stars were fantastic to look at. I heard the rain of the rest of the week ruined the view for others. For me, I recall a warm Spring night, a clear star-filled sky, and excitement as we traveled in the dark through the Redwood forest.

The next day, it sprinkled as we explored the ground area, looking for banana slugs to kiss and become part of the Banana Slug Club. Ew, I know, but I enjoyed it. It stormed hard that night as I lay in my bunk in my sleeping bag above my BFF's bunk. I listened and fell into an easy sleep. Every day, that's how it was. Gray and damp, some rain. Nothing terrible and we went home Friday on the bus, none the worse for the rainy weather.

I love the rain. Bring it on.

Greeting - Creative Writing #3

HELLO

How are you?
Excellent, and yourself?
Likewise.
Let's go to the park.
Okay.

Howdy!
Ever gone to the beach?
Let's go now!
Let's!
Okay!

How did you get here?
Ever tried to ride a rainbow?
Literally?
Literally.
On occasion.

How's the weather?
Exhilarating!
Liking it?
Loving it!
Oh boy.

Dollhouse - Creative Writing #2

I hid under my kitchen table, waiting out the earthquake.

I moved in a week ago and my realtor said NOTHING about earthquakes. Ok, I didn't ask, but who would? I mean, an earthquake now and then, fine. This is California, after all. Earthquakes happen. But every day? Multiple times a day?! Yesterday there were four. The first one was slight, barely woke me out of bed. But the others were terrible! My dishes fell out of their cupboards, my dog fell down the stairs to the first floor... I had a mess to clean up, let me tell you!

Every day, earthquakes. The entire house shakes from the first floor up to the attic. It always starts the same, too. All of a sudden and then everything lifts and flops and jumps around. The couches and TV, the bookshelves and tables. Everything! Yesterday, I fell out of my bed when it began! I know I said the first wasn't bad, and it wasn't, but the second one was HUGE! At least a nine on the Richter scale! They are all like that, most of the time. 

So, now, I'm back under my table, hands over my head and neck, facing away from my windows and dishes. I'm terrified. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it's going to burst through my chest! My dog is somewhere, likely fallen on his side, again. Silly dog. He's always at the top of the stairs when these quakes happen. 

Ahh, finally, the quake stops. I carefully get out from under the table and look at the damage around my home. The cupboards are still closed, dishes are intact. My chairs are topsy-turvy and my dog is on his side by the stairs. Right. I've about had enough of this. My realtor needs to be fired!

... Wait. Did you see that? Oh. My. Gosh! I think I saw a hand! A huge, giant hand! 

I race to the window, hiding behind my curtains. They're red plaid and I can just see out from behind them. It's reaching into my house!!! It.... it.. oh no. Spot! RUN SPOT! 

Wait... it turned spot upright and ... oh no, where's it taking... Oh.. he's on the top of the stairs now. The hand is fixing my house up. It is putting chairs upright, the tables, my bed... Everything. My heart is definitely beating out of its chest. 

It's coming for me now! Where can I run? It's blocking my only way out!!

Oh, no! It got me! It's holding me.. carrying me up and up and... 

... lying me on my bed. This.. is so very weird. Ok. I'm going to stay here and rest. I can take a hint. 

The hand is leaving now. The earthquake is returning. It's gentler now, though. 

I think I'm going to just stay in my bed awhile, get some rest. My heart needs to calm down. 

And I need to rethink this move. A house with a giant living nearby?! 

I don't think so. 

Holding Hands- Creative Writing #1

His hand was warm. It was so very warm and not at all sweaty. Was he nervous? Was he, even the tiniest bit, terrified? He didn't seem to be. His hand was warm and gentle as it held mine. I looked at his hand and saw how small mine seemed to be in his. My hand had always seemed big to me. Bigger than my mother's and my best friend's. Clunky in many ways. I couldn't twist it around the neck of a guitar or violin comfortably, but it had never seemed small. Until now.

How did my hand feel to him? Cold? Isn't that how it worked? If he felt warm, wouldn't my hand be cold? Would he think I was scared? Maybe he would be able to tell how nervous I was and how excited.

"Can I hold your hand?"

It was so easy a question, just popped out of his mouth and I took his hand without thinking about it. But now, his hand was warm and it was bigger than mine. It engulfed mine, but I didn't feel small. I felt excited and thrilled. I could feel it in my toes and in my belly. Just that twinge of something that made me want to do it again, just to feel it once more.

I smiled, looked to my jacket and took my hand from his. My hand felt so very cold after being in his, even for just a moment. I swapped my jacket to my other arm, dangled it at my elbow. Another smile to him and I took his hand. He smiled back.

My hand in his warm hand was small. But it felt right, like it belonged there. I felt that tingle once more. A thrill of something electric went through me and I knew. I just knew.

Mike's Bricks Blanket ...

Bricks Blanket Pattern

March 15th, 2017 - The Finished Project

The above pic is the finished project. It is nearly 6 feet long and about 4-5 feet wide. I will get full dimensions another time. 9 skeins in all: 4 Countryside, 3 Country Blue, and 2 Vintage White - Bernat Super Bulky, L hook. 

March 14th, 2017 - My hubby is testing it out. He's loving the length. He's 6 feet tall and you can see that it's hanging over his fee as he lays out in a chair. His head is not covered and I had a skein and a half to go. 

I found this pattern for the bricks blanket on a yarn tag when I was purchasing some Bernat skeins for my hubby's project. I had a hard time with the written pattern alone, so I went on YouTube and did a search for Bernat Bricks Blanket. There it was! I watched it, thought, "I can totally do that!" I especially liked making the first row go into the back of each stitch as it really makes it stand out and match the final row of chain 4 stitches.

The first attempt ended up as my son's blanket. The pattern told us it was a great blanket and only needed 4 skeins. But it is half the size of this particular project.

So, initially, my hubby asked for a blanket to put on his legs. This fit the bill, but did not cover his feet. Then, as the weather got colder, it did not fully fit his needs, should he pull it to his chest. My son fell in love with this blanket and would go on and on about how soft it was. So, we gave this to him. He's already outgrowing it and I need to add a pair of skeins to it. 

For Mike, the larger blanket was a long time in the making as I'm a full time teacher, but he loves the finished product. Also, I took it everywhere I could to get it done. I spent 7 hours in an ER (not for me) crocheting and talking. Many of the ER nurses stopped to feel the blue/white/countryside blanket and asked a million questions. Some were fellow crocheters. One nurse said his wife hasn't done much and he had me write down all the details of the colors, yarn, hook, and so forth. I gave him a weblink, suggested he check out youtube videos for TheCrochetCrowd and Yarnspirations. 

The blanket is heavy, but super soft, and gorgeous. It was worth the time spent to make it and I'm uber proud of it. Many folks looked at the 'right' side and ooh'ed over it, then looked at the 'wrong' side and thought the front double crochet stitch was super hard. 

This whole thing is just a lot of chains, single crochets, and double crochets. Super easy to begin, easier to continue, and really doesn't take long at all to complete. It's warm. It's soft. 

Thanks Yarnspirations and The Crochet Crowd (and Mikey) for the pattern videos! Also, thanks to Bernat for the idea and the awesome yarn!

Obsession by Animotion... It applies..

Ok, so it's a creepy kind of song, but I hear it in my head when I'm crocheting because I feel like this hobby has become a true way for me to relax. In many ways, it is mindless, yet it requires, demands, that I focus my attention on it. One distracted thought and I have missed a stitch or a flaw appears.

I started this almost a year ago. I believe it was April of 2016 when I said to my hubby that I needed a hobby. I needed something to help me relax. Problem is, the usual things I flock to cost money, take too much time, and have little variety to entertain me. If it takes too long, I lose interest. I get bored. I give up because I see little to no progress.

Crochet brings me back to my childhood, with my mom trying to teach me. I have a blanket she crocheted for me. There was an afghan on our couch that she made and my sister, possibly my brother, too, had a blanket she made. I love the idea that we have these things she made for us. Not just baby blankets, but full blown blankets that, well, I still use, at least.

Now, in the last year, I've tried a variety of things. I made a baby blanket - in hind sight, it was a first and not my best, but the mother-to-be loved it. I have made several baby blankets, a few beanie hats, and made quite a few sad-looking pot holders/hot pads.

I have one pattern I love. Bernat's brick blankets, by the Crochet Crowd. I made the first one with the idea that it would be used by my husband to just cover his legs. But he felt it was too short. Yes, it covered his legs, but he wanted it up to his chest. So, the first one went to our son who fell in love with it. He uses it as his blanket in bed.

On ravelry.com, I have this up with all the details. It's not too big. My son is 6.5 years old, nearly 7 actually, and it's already too small for him. I may add to it when I have time, perhaps a lighter color or something solid on both ends to give it a pop. It's a super-easy pattern and adding to he blanket to give it length is real easy. 

Currently, I am working on my hubby's blanket. It is wider by 2 brick sections, which is about 6 inches. It is also NOT 4 skeins, but will be 9 when it's done. The pattern is coming along swimmingly and I love how it looks. My hubby jokes that it finally looks like a REAL blanket. 

So this is the pic for the blanket at the two-thirds progress mark. As I type this, I'm on skein 8. It's Country Blue, Countryside, Vintage White, Countryside, Country Blue, Countryside, Vintage White, Countryside, then the last will be Country Blue again.

You can see this at my ravelry site: Mike's Bricks Blanket

You can see more of my projects at: QueenBanzia @ Ravelry