Have you ever had a desire to write or do something, but, the moment you make an effort to see that urge satisfied, the ability seems to escape you?
I feel this urge to get something out. I feel a need to be creative, but I am not sure how to see either of these things through. Is writing the way to do it? Should I be painting? Crocheting?
What form will my creativity take? How do I find it?
I wonder if others go through this. It seems that I know so many people with creative talents who love what they do from the moment of first creation to the completion of it. Yet, I find myself grasping for a stress relief mechanism.
How does one find this, I wonder?
Friday, September 29, 2017
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Smoke, Fog, and Haze - CW #7
The forest is little more than dark green pine needles poking out from inside the gray fog that blankets the world this morning. There is no visibility beyond my own hand, maybe a few feet beyond. I know trees exist there. I know the ground continues on. But I walk carefully, afraid that there may not be solid ground when I put my foot down.
Sounds creep their way to my ears, eerie in the inky gloom that prevents me from seeing their source. The haze acts like a mirror, but with sounds, I can't tell which direction they come from. It is a strange thing, to know you are encircled by trees yet feel as if some ghost may come out and get you within a moment.
Smoke would be preferably, its source known - fire. Yet, that, too, would be as worrisome. Where would I go? From which direction might I find safety if I cannot see beyond the blackness?
I am frozen, unable to go forward or backward for fear of what may lay ahead. Will I find treacherous footing or solid ground? Will there be a good friend waiting or a large beast wishing to sup upon me?
A decision must be made - to stand still and do nothing is to surely perish...
Sounds creep their way to my ears, eerie in the inky gloom that prevents me from seeing their source. The haze acts like a mirror, but with sounds, I can't tell which direction they come from. It is a strange thing, to know you are encircled by trees yet feel as if some ghost may come out and get you within a moment.
Smoke would be preferably, its source known - fire. Yet, that, too, would be as worrisome. Where would I go? From which direction might I find safety if I cannot see beyond the blackness?
I am frozen, unable to go forward or backward for fear of what may lay ahead. Will I find treacherous footing or solid ground? Will there be a good friend waiting or a large beast wishing to sup upon me?
A decision must be made - to stand still and do nothing is to surely perish...
Sunday, July 9, 2017
Dragon - Creative Writing #6
My heart begins to race. I can feel it. That can't be good, when you can feel your own heart racing as if it might fly out of your chest, right? That's a description they use in books to help you understand how bad a situation is, yes?
My eyes see the problem and my brain takes it and runs with it.
Work. So much to do. So little time. Report cards. Lesson plans. After school events. Test, re-test, small groups. Programs. Meetings. Meetings. Staff Development. Desk is a mess. Boards look bad. Haven't changed anything on the walls. What do I focus on? Going home early for a change. It'll be there tomorrow, screw it.
Home. Family. Husband. Child. Dad. Mother-in-law. Mom. So much to do, so little time. Where to go? What's first? What do I do?
Fun. Rest. Relaxation. What are these things? Vacation? *scoff*
Dentist. Drilling. Drilling. Noise, sharp. Turn the music up. Choking on tongue, but not. Tongue's touching my teeth. Brain insists my tongue is touching my teeth. Brain insists my tongue is choking me. Breathe. I'm breathing. Tongue is still choking me. This is not possible. Can' break through with the logic. Stuck. Tears. Heart beats faster and faster. Chest heaves. I'm choking. Gagging on the mold in my mouth. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. No, I'm not. They wouldn't keep working on me if I was choking. What if they can't tell? They can tell. No they can't. Yes, they can. No, they can't.
Panic. PANIC. It's sudden, unrelenting. Logic-defying. No control. No sense.
It's a strange sensation, thinking logically and knowing something - I mean KNOWING - and still be unable to see your way out of it.
Panic. Anxiety. It is standing in a room of garage, holding a trash bag, and not knowing where to begin.
Panic. It is standing in a clean room, organized, and not knowing how to pull things down to get at the desired object.
Panic. It is your heart racing without you exerting yourself.
Panic. It's being unable to stand for no reason and suddenly being terrified of being stuck.
Panic. It is frustration. Rage. Mountain vs Mole-hill and the mountain is winning.
Panic. Unable to breathe despite having the ability to.
Relief: Suddenly feeling like the vise on your chest is gone. LIke your brain can put order to the chaos swirling about.
Panic: Standing in the center of a hurricane where all is calm, watching the swirling mass around you and knowing you are trapped and unable to change this.
Relief: You remain standing and all is quiet. There is no hurricane. Never was.
Panic: A dragon that breathes its deadly fire upon you and consumes you.
My eyes see the problem and my brain takes it and runs with it.
Work. So much to do. So little time. Report cards. Lesson plans. After school events. Test, re-test, small groups. Programs. Meetings. Meetings. Staff Development. Desk is a mess. Boards look bad. Haven't changed anything on the walls. What do I focus on? Going home early for a change. It'll be there tomorrow, screw it.
Home. Family. Husband. Child. Dad. Mother-in-law. Mom. So much to do, so little time. Where to go? What's first? What do I do?
Fun. Rest. Relaxation. What are these things? Vacation? *scoff*
Dentist. Drilling. Drilling. Noise, sharp. Turn the music up. Choking on tongue, but not. Tongue's touching my teeth. Brain insists my tongue is touching my teeth. Brain insists my tongue is choking me. Breathe. I'm breathing. Tongue is still choking me. This is not possible. Can' break through with the logic. Stuck. Tears. Heart beats faster and faster. Chest heaves. I'm choking. Gagging on the mold in my mouth. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. No, I'm not. They wouldn't keep working on me if I was choking. What if they can't tell? They can tell. No they can't. Yes, they can. No, they can't.
Panic. PANIC. It's sudden, unrelenting. Logic-defying. No control. No sense.
It's a strange sensation, thinking logically and knowing something - I mean KNOWING - and still be unable to see your way out of it.
Panic. Anxiety. It is standing in a room of garage, holding a trash bag, and not knowing where to begin.
Panic. It is standing in a clean room, organized, and not knowing how to pull things down to get at the desired object.
Panic. It is your heart racing without you exerting yourself.
Panic. It's being unable to stand for no reason and suddenly being terrified of being stuck.
Panic. It is frustration. Rage. Mountain vs Mole-hill and the mountain is winning.
Panic. Unable to breathe despite having the ability to.
Relief: Suddenly feeling like the vise on your chest is gone. LIke your brain can put order to the chaos swirling about.
Panic: Standing in the center of a hurricane where all is calm, watching the swirling mass around you and knowing you are trapped and unable to change this.
Relief: You remain standing and all is quiet. There is no hurricane. Never was.
Panic: A dragon that breathes its deadly fire upon you and consumes you.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Cinquain - Creative writing #5
Mother
Kind, Loving, Sweet
Safe, Protective, Gentle
Fierce, Identity, Hard-Working
Loving
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Outside the Window - Creative Writing #4
It's dark outside, yet the sun is still out. At best, there should be golds, blues, and pinks across the sky as the sun falls slowly below the horizon. It's one of my favorite times of day, really. But, instead, it is dark. Gray, murky clouds fill the sky and rain falls steadily ouside the window, causing the water in the newly filled pool to dance. It is magnificent.
Yesterday, I awoke to a storm - thunder and lightning with rain falling steadily about.
Today, the sun was up and the air was humid. I did not think it would rain, yet, there it is again. Rain.
Glorious, beautiful rain. I love storms. I love rain.
I think I'm a rarity. Often, people complain about how gloomy it is or how dark it is or how the rain won't stop. I understand. Sometimes, the rain brings flooding and damage to homes. My own husband's Saturn was once victim to flooding. He hadn't a choice when he tried to get off the highway, but the car was totalled as a result.
Still, I find the sound of rain on my rooftop to be soothing. I love the sound of thunder and the flash of lightning that comes just before it.
I love this website: Rainymood.Com
It plays rain sounds over and over, including thunder. Of course, it lacks lightning, but there is no threat here. No worry about flooded roads and no worry about damaged homes. No one needing rescue as the water falls from the sky. It's soothing to me and makes me want to close my eyes and imagine a time or day without worry. Safe in the confines of my home with my family - I can listen to this sound forever.
Now, I grant you, there are times when even I long for a sunny day to off-set the rainy. May 2016 was such a month. We had 1 clear day that I can recall. The rest of the month was stormy. This causes problems in a city made mostly of cement and steel, with little earth or water to soak in the rain.
I am among very few who love storms. Many people grouse about them.
For me, I imagine forests where the sky is hard to see above the leafy canopies, but it's dark gray. Rain falls, causing the ground below, littered with greenery from the Redwoods above, to be damp. Drops fall from the branches and leaves above. It is green everywhere and, while it is raining, I am merely damp, not soaked or cold.
Perhaps, because I was at Jones Gulch during such rainy times, I have grown to love it. I was enjoying Outdoor Ed in 5th grade when it rained on us. Fortunately, Monday night was my night hike and the skies were clear and the stars were fantastic to look at. I heard the rain of the rest of the week ruined the view for others. For me, I recall a warm Spring night, a clear star-filled sky, and excitement as we traveled in the dark through the Redwood forest.
The next day, it sprinkled as we explored the ground area, looking for banana slugs to kiss and become part of the Banana Slug Club. Ew, I know, but I enjoyed it. It stormed hard that night as I lay in my bunk in my sleeping bag above my BFF's bunk. I listened and fell into an easy sleep. Every day, that's how it was. Gray and damp, some rain. Nothing terrible and we went home Friday on the bus, none the worse for the rainy weather.
I love the rain. Bring it on.
Yesterday, I awoke to a storm - thunder and lightning with rain falling steadily about.
Today, the sun was up and the air was humid. I did not think it would rain, yet, there it is again. Rain.
Glorious, beautiful rain. I love storms. I love rain.
I think I'm a rarity. Often, people complain about how gloomy it is or how dark it is or how the rain won't stop. I understand. Sometimes, the rain brings flooding and damage to homes. My own husband's Saturn was once victim to flooding. He hadn't a choice when he tried to get off the highway, but the car was totalled as a result.
Still, I find the sound of rain on my rooftop to be soothing. I love the sound of thunder and the flash of lightning that comes just before it.
I love this website: Rainymood.Com
It plays rain sounds over and over, including thunder. Of course, it lacks lightning, but there is no threat here. No worry about flooded roads and no worry about damaged homes. No one needing rescue as the water falls from the sky. It's soothing to me and makes me want to close my eyes and imagine a time or day without worry. Safe in the confines of my home with my family - I can listen to this sound forever.
Now, I grant you, there are times when even I long for a sunny day to off-set the rainy. May 2016 was such a month. We had 1 clear day that I can recall. The rest of the month was stormy. This causes problems in a city made mostly of cement and steel, with little earth or water to soak in the rain.
I am among very few who love storms. Many people grouse about them.
For me, I imagine forests where the sky is hard to see above the leafy canopies, but it's dark gray. Rain falls, causing the ground below, littered with greenery from the Redwoods above, to be damp. Drops fall from the branches and leaves above. It is green everywhere and, while it is raining, I am merely damp, not soaked or cold.
Perhaps, because I was at Jones Gulch during such rainy times, I have grown to love it. I was enjoying Outdoor Ed in 5th grade when it rained on us. Fortunately, Monday night was my night hike and the skies were clear and the stars were fantastic to look at. I heard the rain of the rest of the week ruined the view for others. For me, I recall a warm Spring night, a clear star-filled sky, and excitement as we traveled in the dark through the Redwood forest.
The next day, it sprinkled as we explored the ground area, looking for banana slugs to kiss and become part of the Banana Slug Club. Ew, I know, but I enjoyed it. It stormed hard that night as I lay in my bunk in my sleeping bag above my BFF's bunk. I listened and fell into an easy sleep. Every day, that's how it was. Gray and damp, some rain. Nothing terrible and we went home Friday on the bus, none the worse for the rainy weather.
I love the rain. Bring it on.
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Greeting - Creative Writing #3
HELLO
How are you?
Excellent, and yourself?
Likewise.
Let's go to the park.
Okay.
Howdy!
Ever gone to the beach?
Let's go now!
Let's!
Okay!
How did you get here?
Ever tried to ride a rainbow?
Literally?
Literally.
On occasion.
How's the weather?
Exhilarating!
Liking it?
Loving it!
Oh boy.
How are you?
Excellent, and yourself?
Likewise.
Let's go to the park.
Okay.
Howdy!
Ever gone to the beach?
Let's go now!
Let's!
Okay!
How did you get here?
Ever tried to ride a rainbow?
Literally?
Literally.
On occasion.
How's the weather?
Exhilarating!
Liking it?
Loving it!
Oh boy.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Dollhouse - Creative Writing #2
I hid under my kitchen table, waiting out the earthquake.
I moved in a week ago and my realtor said NOTHING about earthquakes. Ok, I didn't ask, but who would? I mean, an earthquake now and then, fine. This is California, after all. Earthquakes happen. But every day? Multiple times a day?! Yesterday there were four. The first one was slight, barely woke me out of bed. But the others were terrible! My dishes fell out of their cupboards, my dog fell down the stairs to the first floor... I had a mess to clean up, let me tell you!
Every day, earthquakes. The entire house shakes from the first floor up to the attic. It always starts the same, too. All of a sudden and then everything lifts and flops and jumps around. The couches and TV, the bookshelves and tables. Everything! Yesterday, I fell out of my bed when it began! I know I said the first wasn't bad, and it wasn't, but the second one was HUGE! At least a nine on the Richter scale! They are all like that, most of the time.
So, now, I'm back under my table, hands over my head and neck, facing away from my windows and dishes. I'm terrified. My heart is beating so fast it feels like it's going to burst through my chest! My dog is somewhere, likely fallen on his side, again. Silly dog. He's always at the top of the stairs when these quakes happen.
Ahh, finally, the quake stops. I carefully get out from under the table and look at the damage around my home. The cupboards are still closed, dishes are intact. My chairs are topsy-turvy and my dog is on his side by the stairs. Right. I've about had enough of this. My realtor needs to be fired!
... Wait. Did you see that? Oh. My. Gosh! I think I saw a hand! A huge, giant hand!
I race to the window, hiding behind my curtains. They're red plaid and I can just see out from behind them. It's reaching into my house!!! It.... it.. oh no. Spot! RUN SPOT!
Wait... it turned spot upright and ... oh no, where's it taking... Oh.. he's on the top of the stairs now. The hand is fixing my house up. It is putting chairs upright, the tables, my bed... Everything. My heart is definitely beating out of its chest.
It's coming for me now! Where can I run? It's blocking my only way out!!
Oh, no! It got me! It's holding me.. carrying me up and up and...
... lying me on my bed. This.. is so very weird. Ok. I'm going to stay here and rest. I can take a hint.
The hand is leaving now. The earthquake is returning. It's gentler now, though.
I think I'm going to just stay in my bed awhile, get some rest. My heart needs to calm down.
And I need to rethink this move. A house with a giant living nearby?!
I don't think so.
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